You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
