I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize