Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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