Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
