Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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