I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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