you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
