I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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