we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
