I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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