I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
