Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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