Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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