yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
