I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
