i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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