So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
