So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
