I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
