you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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