You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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