Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize