Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
