so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
