I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
