She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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