so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
