Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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