Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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