I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
