Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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