i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
