i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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