I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
