his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I didn't notice because vodka
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
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