Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
