Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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