You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
