So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
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