I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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