Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
