Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
