Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
