All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
