Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
