so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
