Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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