Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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