I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
