one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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