so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
