you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
