I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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