Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
