so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
