I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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