Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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