just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize