I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize