my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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