What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
