So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
