Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
