Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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