Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
They are going to name an STD after you.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize