Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
