Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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