Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize