is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
