she looked like the bat from fern gully.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
