Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i came on her dog
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
