Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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