Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
