There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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