My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
