I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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